“It’s common.”
“We don’t count a chemical pregnancy as a loss.”
“You’ll probably have more with no issues.”
“It’s better to happen early.”
“God needed that Angel more than you.”
“Are you still not over that?”
“Next time, don’t announce so early, it’ll save everyone from being so upset.”
“At least you have other kids.”
I’ve heard all of these at some point.
None of them are helpful.
So let’s debunk them.
The phrase “it’s common” is often thrown around by doctors. Many doctors aren’t patient focused, so bed side manner is often lacking.
This phrase belittles the pain and trauma of a patient, because it can be classified as common.
A chemical pregnancy is still a loss.
Life begins when?
At conception.
Therefore, a chemical pregnancy is a loss.
And they deserve to be honored just as much as any other loss. It doesn’t matter how early, life is still life.
The possibility of having more children does not take away the pain. The children that follow a miscarriage DO NOT replace the baby that was lost, in any way. Rainbow babies are special, but the baby that proceeded them was not a storm, the time between babies was the storm.
It’s better to happen early…a loss is a loss. There is no way that you have to try to make this “okay.” It’s not okay. And you do not have to push your grief to the side simply because it was an earlier loss and society will tell you that you shouldn’t still be grieving.
God needed that angel… no, he didn’t take that baby from you in a selfish way. He didn’t deem you “unfit “ as this statement would make you feel. We live in a fallen world, where death and tragedy unfortunately follow us. But thanks to Calvary, we have the promise of seeing our children again. I don’t understand the “why” behind most losses…but he understands YOU and your pain.
Are you still not over that? No, and you don’t have to be. You probably won’t ever be over it. You probably won’t ever reach a point where you don’t keenly miss that baby. And that’s a good thing. They were part of you, and you don’t ever have to be over it. Carry them with you.
Don’t announce so early…you can announce your pregnancy whenever you want to. Every baby deserves to be celebrated, even if just for a moment. You do NOT have to suffer in silence just to make someone else more comfortable. There is no such thing as “too early.”
Celebrate your babies, ALL of them.
At least you have other kids…there is no replacement for what you’ve lost. People say things that sting, even with the best intentions. You are allowed to grieve.
Even if it was early.
Even if you have other kids.
Even if you have more children with no issues.
Even if it’s still so very heavy on you.
Even if you don’t want to talk about it.
Even if you long for someone to remember the one you carried.
Grief isn’t linear.
And grief is beautiful in its own way.
Because it reminds you that what you shared with that little one was BEAUTIFUL, even if it was just for a moment. Grief is all the unexpressed love you didn’t get share, and that’s what makes it beautiful, it is love persevering. Love continuing on, even thought tragedy has taken place.
Don’t feel ashamed of your grief.
Your baby mattered and still does🤍
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