I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus.

No turning back.

I used to sing those words loud and proud in Vacation Bible School, eyes shining, hands raised, heart light.

I meant them… or at least I thought I did.

But it’s one thing to sing a song surrounded by a chorus of voices echoing the same melody.

It’s another thing entirely to live the words out when you find yourself standing alone.

Though none go with me.

Really—none?

What happens when the lights go out and the music fades?

When your childhood friends, the ones you dreamed about revival with, slowly choose comfort over conviction?

When the group chat grows quiet, and the silence reminds you you’ve been left behind—not because you stopped following—but because you kept going?

What happens when family, the ones who once knelt beside you in prayer, now look at your fire and call it “too much”?

When they love you, but not the God you’ve given your everything to?

When they draw a line in the sand and say, “We’ll follow Him this far, but no further.”

And you realize… you’re going further.

Alone.

What happens when the one who held your hand and promised to walk with you forever—

suddenly releases their grip?

When they say they still believe,

but not like you do.

Not this seriously.

And you’re left standing with a heart full of Jesus and empty hands.

What happens when the dream you thought God gave you falls apart in your lap?

When grief guts you?

When unanswered prayers ache in your chest like open wounds?

When obedience looks like loss, and all you can do is cry at His feet,

“This hurts more than I ever thought it would…”

Will I still sing it then?

Will I still whisper it through trembling lips and tear-stained cheeks?

No turning back.

This is the cost no one warned me about.

Not in the coloring books or the altar calls.

They didn’t tell me that following Jesus might mean walking a path that others abandon.

That love for Him might look like lonely faithfulness.

That covenant with Christ might cost every other connection I hold dear.

But still…

Still.

My soul knows too much now.

I’ve seen too much.

He has rescued me from too much.

He is too worthy.

Too holy.

Too faithful.

Too beautiful.

He is not just my Savior.

He is the fire in my bones.

The anchor in my storm.

The lover of my soul.

The only One who stayed.

So yes.

Though none go with me—none—I will follow.

Even when the road is steep.

Even when my heart breaks along the way.

Even when it feels like I’m walking through the valley alone,

I am not.

He is with me.

And He is enough.

I have decided to follow Jesus.

No turning back.

No turning back.