The Hardest Goodbye is the one before Hello

I’ve always loved the ultrasound room.

Being able to see what the Lord is knitting together inside you. To hear that little heartbeat race, and watch that little person wiggle across the screen.

But that room can be a terrifying place too.

The silence is deafening as you hold your breath and hope and pray for even the tiniest sound of a heartbeat.

As I sat there, in the silence, the final words from the doctor “This baby isnt one you’re going to be able to take home. It’s heart isn’t beating anymore.” seemed so far away.

In that moment, I thought of one line of this song; “If it has to be Gethsemane I want the world to know, Lord I love you and I worship you for you.”

Why did it have to be Gethsemane? Why couldn’t this cup pass from us? And as I walked out of that room with no new pictures to take home and give grandparents, the Lord said, “Jesus asked to be delivered in Gethsemane too... but I didn’t take that cup from him either, and aren’t you glad I didn’t? Aren’t you STILL reaping positive results of the original Gethsemane? One day you’ll be glad I didn’t take away your Gethsemane too.”

Did that make it easier? No, but it confirmed in my heart that it would be worth it!

When those little eyes opened the first time, they saw the face of the One who gave them life on the first place. All it's sweet soul ever knew was the sound of my heartbeat from the inside.

Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

The Lord knows our sweet babies and our children are ministering to the Lord and worshipping at the throne as I type this. What a joy the promise of heaven is! I’m so thankful for the sanctity of life and how that our baby is a fully known and fully loved individual, no matter what our culture says.

So if it has to be Gethsemane, I want the world to know that I Love you and I worship you for you! And I will praise the One who has chosen me to carry you.