The Rock of Ages

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month🤍

Baby of mine,

You are loved.

You are wanted.

You are not forgotten.

I think about you every day.

There is always something that happens that makes me think of how old you would be in this moment. The table would be so full with you here. The laundry basket would be full of your little clothes. Your fingerprints on the windows.

But instead they’re just on my heart.

Everyone else’s lives went on.

But mine stopped.

And part of me left with you.

I know I won’t ever be the same.

But I’m trying to keep living, because life is precious. But at the same time, I don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten you.

Because that will never happen.

You’ll always be missing from family pictures.

There will always be an empty spot around the tree on Christmas.

I’ll always feel like I’m missing you when I do my head count at the store.

You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh and I’ll carry you all my life.

And I’ll keep praising the One who chose me to carry you. Because you changed my life.

And if the Lord can do anything, he can keep using you, and he is.

When someone shares with me that they too grieve a child they never got to meet, I can share with them about you. And everything you have taught me, and the ways you’ve changed my life and made it more beautiful, even in tragedy.

I have no regrets, except that I couldn’t meet you  and you take your place in our family.

But I will carry you until I can put a face with your memory.

I didn’t know if I could ever say it, but I have learned, to be thankful for even the waves of grief, because they slam me into the Rock of ages.

Forever my baby you’ll be🤍

Love,

Your mama