When I’ve seen too much…

“Sometimes I fear what’s coming, because of the things I’ve seen.

Sometimes I tremble—not because I particularly lack faith, but because I’ve lived through too much to pretend I haven’t.

I’ve seen storms that didn’t pass quickly.

I’ve seen prayers go unanswered for years.

I’ve seen betrayal wear familiar faces.

I’ve watched hope bleed out slowly in hospital rooms, in quiet bedrooms, in rooms where the lights stayed on but the fire went out.

I’ve seen what it costs to keep standing.

I’ve seen what it takes to survive.

I’ve seen the way the enemy doesn’t just knock—he hammers, he howls, and sometimes he whispers with the voice of someone I once trusted.

So yes, sometimes I fear what’s coming.

Not because I doubt God, but because I know war. I know the ache of rebuilding when everything’s in ruins.

I know the silence after the shout of praise fades, and the night still doesn’t break.

I know what it feels like when you want to believe in resurrection, but all you see is a sealed tomb.

But even in my fear, I remember.

I remember the manna I never saw coming.

The peace that surprised me mid-panic.

The doors that opened after every “no.”

The strength that showed up only after I ran out of my own.

I remember that not one tear was wasted.

Not one loss overlooked.

Not one broken thing beyond His hand.

So while I may fear what’s coming sometimes,

I still follow.

I still lift my eyes—even when they’re filled with tears. I still take the next step—even when it shakes. I still hold on to the hem of His garment—even when I can barely reach.

Because He’s never left me in the dark.

He’s just taught me how to see differently in it.

So Lord—

Even if the next valley looks deeper than the last…Even if the waves rise higher…

Even if the road costs more than I would choose to pay…

Don’t take the pain away if it means I’ll forget Your Presence.

Don’t clear the path if I’ll lose my dependence.

Don’t let me run ahead if I’ll miss the sound of Your whisper beside me.

Remind me that You’re already in the place I’m afraid to go. You stand at the edge of every unknown—unshaken.

So I will walk forward, fear and all—

because even if I’ve seen too much…

I’ve seen You.

And that is enough.